Missing you in me!!

I questioned myself always. What is love? How does it feel to be in love? I never believed in love and I thought love is just the waste of time. Love is nothing but an emotional support, a need that people have. Love, I thought, is just something, like a name given to a relationship. Love was just a four letter word that is most highly overrated after the Fuck word of course. Love love love. . .I used to be crazy when hear that people are in love and are going crazy for it. The day I met you things changed. I think I was in love with you.

I loved talking to you. You were the first thought in the morning and were always there on my mind. You were the person I ever thought of being with. If I didn't see you for a day, I felt incomplete. At times it was difficult for me to breathe, it was difficult to cry, to laugh, to eat, to sleep and everything that is sooo easy to do otherwise. When you didn't talked fora day I cried, I cried out loud, without being aware of the reason. I think I was afraid of losing you. I think I was worried about losing you. I think I was worried that what if you don't call me the next day. My heart wanted you always, it urged for you always. I was going crazy for you.

At times, I used to be in my thoughts, listening to one single number playing in my ears. Listening to the favorite line. And the words that make me feel your presence. It went on and on and on. . .I was awake whole night, I was awake always, I wanted to be with you always. I wanted the sleep to fly away so I can think about you. When it rained. . .I thought if you were here. . .If you were with me. . .I would have played with raindrops, splashed them on your face and would have run away. You were with me when it rained. When it was cold. . .tooo cold. . .I saw you holding my hands, walking on the street, with dim lights, chilled chilly breeze. . .I was freezing, so were you. But I just saw you and nothing else. I reached home in no time. It was difficult to say good bye. But you left. I was awake, the whole night, thinking about you, thinking about the weather, thinking how beautiful the world is, thinking, just thinking something, not wanted to go to sleep and everything that is sooo easy to do otherwise.

I felt different, I felt a different person, I felt I am an angel, I am an angel to love you, I felt you are a saviour to save me from this world, and make me yours. I felt different. I never felt that before. I felt, I felt I am a bird who can fly the world, I felt like a kid, so pure and innocent, I felt like the rose water that makes you feel fresh, I felt like a rose, I felt like a petal . I was a rose. I felt so human. I was in love. . . Oh God. . .I was in love. I could feel the summers, the sun, the moon, the breeze, the wait, the love! I could feel the love! Yes, I was in love! I was happy, I was laughing, I was dancing, I was singing, I was going crazy, I was jumping, I was playing, I was imagining. 

I was in Love!! I was in love with you!

I dreamed you and me. I dreamed US. I dreamed about us. Yes I saw you and

I saw me. . .

I saw us walking down, I saw us together, I saw us playing hide and seek, I saw us in the moon, I saw us in the sun, in the trees, the leaves, in the pictures, I saw us in the future!! I saw the home, I saw the kitchen, I saw the love. . .I saw more love. . .and love. . .only love. . . because I saw us! Wow. I saw you and me. I was in love. I was dancing, I was singing! I danced all over the place, I danced myself. I was excited to see you the next day. I was excited to tell you that now I can be you and you can be me and we can be us. I was excited, still singing and dancing, dancing all over the place.

By that time a warden comes to the room and says to me,‘Hey mad girl, he is no more. He died. Why do you keep repeating the same thing every night? God, your generation kids are really crazy. Come, eat something, you haven't eaten for two days, even you want to die or what?’

What? I told the warden at the Asylum. I said he is coming to pick me up. He is coming in no time. He will come for sure, and I cried and cried. I cried. I still danced, I clapped, I called your name. . .’Aryan, Aryan. . .Aryan. . .

Aryan, I wish I could have told you how much I loved you. Why didn't you take me with you? Why did you go alone? I wish if I could have let you know.. that my life begins with you and ends before you.

I miss you in me. I am missing you in Me!! But Aryan I promise. . .if I meet you the next time . . .I won't cry.. I promise. . .I will listen to you. . . I promise, I will receive your call always, and will reply to your text. I promise Aryan I won't be angry at you, I promise I will eat at the restaurant you like, I promise Aryan, I won't leave you . I promise! I promise everything, except the fact that I can't stop loving you. Because  I love you.

I am missing you in me!!

P.S: Dedicated for people who are in love. This is dedicated to people who lost their loved ones before even letting them know that they were loved by you. 

This is just for love. Just say it out to people whom you love. Love needs to be expressed. Love is the life, believe me it is!

The BreakUp.....Yes the Breakup!!

"Promise me you will never leave me!" He thought for a while and said "I promise, I ll be with you forever." With a child look i said "But i am scared what if you leave. I am scared if i will ever be able to live my life without you. I am scared to see the way relationships are breaking these days. I am scared." Holding my hands, trying to calm me and make me fell good he gave a kiss on my forehead, looking into my eyes he said " Baby you are my life, how do you expect me to live without you. You are my morning and my night end with a thought of yours. You are the sunshine of my life, you are my every breath. How can you think i will be able to breath without you? His words made me feel a lot better and comfortable. I let me head to relax a bit on his shoulder. He led down his head on mine. It was breezy and the most perfect weather for the night. We were sitting next to the marine drive in Mumbai. One of the most romantic places to spend time with your loved ones. I looked at the water, that was touching my feet. Sun was setting and moon was rising up. Few kids were selling heart shaped balloons, few were selling roses.Looking at the sky, balloons were flowing in the air, I don't know when did i fall asleep on his shoulder. He kept holding my hands.

I my sleep, i went into the flashback. I loved someone else before i met him. He was my life. He was the one i trusted the most in this world. I loved him, i cared for him. He was my first love. He taught me how to fall in love. He promised me everything in life, he promised he will never leave me alone in any time of my life. He promised me he will stand by me forever until death do us apart. We were in love crazily and i thought it is forever and ever. He was the one who taught me how to trust someone...and he was the only one who taught me that never trust someone so deeply that if that person leaves you you should not be able to live.

One fine day, We were sitting just like this in front of the ocean, i was holding his hands, and i found him somewhere lost. I asked him what's wrong. He answered saying " Hm..nothing, just thinking about something" .I joked around and said " that's fine. you can tell me if you love someone else. I won't mind". He looked at me and asked " Will you be able to live without me if i won't be there in your life anymore?". I knew he was kidding me back. I said yes of course. I know nothing is forever. I am an independent women and i can take care of myself. But one thing is sure that i won't be able to fall in love again, because i love you sooo soo much. No one in this world can take your place. I asked him " Will you be able to live without me baby? You won't leave me ever i know. "I trust you' i said" I trust you more than i trust myself. I know you love me and you will never leave me alone. He was quiet for sometime. I was quiet. We were looking at the water, i felt life needs a way. I wanted him to tell me that he want to marry me. I wanted the relationship to stay forever. I knew he was the one for me. We had been together for long time, almost Six years.

I realized someone is waking me up. Oh it was him. Tear rolled down my eyes, and he said what happened. I am with you forever. I looked at him with eyes full of dreams, thinking yeah " That's what he said - I ll be with you forever baby, I won't leave you ever and look what he did to me."I talked to myself.

We took a auto to go home. He dropped me home and left. I started crying, crying out loud. I still couldn't believe that he left me. I was devastated. I wanted to kill myself for trusting someone so much. How stupid i was to think that people do what they say. How stupid i was to think that people always fulfill their promises. He left me in middle of the road after making all such promises. How, how damn stupid i was. I didn't realized then that he stopped calling me as often he used to. I just didn't noticed that he was not that excited to meet me like in the beginning. How stupid i was think that he was busy all the times, even when i used to be free for him always. Huh....i was in love..it was my first love. I loved him from my heart, and my mind was not working. First love always gives you pain, because then you are innocent of the consequences. When i walked down the empty streets, trying to call him and set things correct, he was happy in his life and was falling in love. He asked me to move out of his life and not to create any issues in front of the person he loves. It seems he didn't wanted to hurt her and the family.

I never thought i will be in love with someone else. Falling in love was as if i am cheating on someone. Infact i never wanted to trust anyone, i didn't wanted people around me. I wanted to be alone, all alone. I wanted to be with myself, not talking, not doing anything in the world, not going out. Listening to the sad songs, being more sad. I tried everyday to make things right, but i didn't realize that if someone does not love you, you just cant force to love him back or to fall in love. Love is something that comes from heart, and his heart didn't beat for me. I was idiot, i was a moron.

Splashed water on my face and tried sleeping. Thinking He is no more in my life, I hate him. Door bell rang. "At this time?" i wondered. Opened the door. What are you doing here? you went home right? He said" No, i couldn't go home. Wanted to ask something. I said yeah say. He continued "Its your birthday today and i wanted to ask if you love me then can we spend our whole life together? Can we get married? My parents are coming tomorrow. I want you to meet them. "Sure" I said. It's not the end of my life. Its the beginning. And i need to move on.

I thought what people say is true " If it's not forever, it not at all love".

P.S.: A breakup is not the end, but the beginning of a new relationship, with yourself and with someone else who love you more than you ever thought. A break up is something that makes you realize your own worth and how important is trust in a relationship.

A break up is the beginning and not the end for sure.
  
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